Love grows in me like a tumor,
parasites bent on devouring its host.
I'm developing my sense of humor,
till I can laugh at my heart between your teeth,
till I can laugh at my face beneath your feet.
chorus
Skillet on the stove is such a temptation,
maybe I'll be the lucky one that doesnt get burned.
What the fuck was I thinking?
Love plows through me like a dozer,
I've got more give than a bale of hay,
and there's always a big mess left over.
What did you do?
What did you say?
Skillet on the stove is such a temptation,
maybe I'll be the special one that doesnt get burned.
What the fuck was I thinking?
Love tears me up like a demon.
Opens the wounds and fills them with lead,
and I'm having some trouble just breathing.
If we werent such good friends I think that I'd hate you.
If we weren't such good friends I'd wish you were dead
Oh it's so embarrasing
I'm this awkward and uncomprable thing,
and I'm running out of places to hide
Friday, October 3, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Theatre of Tragedy
Being the absolute, undisputed king of hyperbole it should come as no surprise that I have overly romanticized every event in my life. The slightest show of affection is turned into the world's greatest burgeoning romance. My heart has been melted more times than all the Gelato cups in Italy on 100* summer day. I live to feel the feeling of life.
With every new love comes the inspiration and desperation to begin the next; the mind of an economist belies the heart and soul of a renaissance artist. What is it about me and the fairer sex; they can't seem to stop torturing me and I can't seem to stop loving them. Is it these feelings and a lack of conciliation with them that lead men like Duchovny and Eric Bennet to believe that they are somehow addicted to sex or pornography. Clearly, we should not be condemned as mere addicts or purveyors of sex as it is much more than sex itself that drives us. Anyone in the know understands that we are driven by the passion of our own feelings, we are trying to feed a prodigious passion beast. One that will not take no for an answer, one that drives our very being. Now, does that mean men like us should not be married or incapable of fidelity-YES! This also means that men like us should step from the shadows and claim our right to live as men of passion and stop hiding inth shadows and lying to our partners, friends, family and most importantly to ourselves. We have the obligation of truth to unburden our right to live as we feel and not as others see us.
One can not make a plausible case for why a man lost within his own passion should pursue the physical embodiment of his passion-sex. There is nothing sick or insane or wrong with a man seeking, pursuing and lust after a connection with a woman, any woman that he feels can stoke those passions. men like us hate 5 year car leases, we want to drive a different vehicle every 3 months. We never want too purchase houses, we want a new residence every year. We dream the impossible, we discover the forgotten, lost and invisible. Men with voracious appetites lead other men, we manifest theories of relativity and form laws of gravity and motion. Show me a man devoid of passion and I mean great passions and I will point out his insignificance to the rest of the world. In my 34 years, I have never seen a man that wants to conquer the world stop just short of conquering and pursuing the opposite sex, the law of passion consumes all and can not be so laserly focused as to permit one to be all encompassing in every aspect except love. Men, especially passionate, aggressive men love to live LIFE. They do not live to love fidelity.
Or at least that's the way I feel today :-)
The saga continues...
With every new love comes the inspiration and desperation to begin the next; the mind of an economist belies the heart and soul of a renaissance artist. What is it about me and the fairer sex; they can't seem to stop torturing me and I can't seem to stop loving them. Is it these feelings and a lack of conciliation with them that lead men like Duchovny and Eric Bennet to believe that they are somehow addicted to sex or pornography. Clearly, we should not be condemned as mere addicts or purveyors of sex as it is much more than sex itself that drives us. Anyone in the know understands that we are driven by the passion of our own feelings, we are trying to feed a prodigious passion beast. One that will not take no for an answer, one that drives our very being. Now, does that mean men like us should not be married or incapable of fidelity-YES! This also means that men like us should step from the shadows and claim our right to live as men of passion and stop hiding inth shadows and lying to our partners, friends, family and most importantly to ourselves. We have the obligation of truth to unburden our right to live as we feel and not as others see us.
One can not make a plausible case for why a man lost within his own passion should pursue the physical embodiment of his passion-sex. There is nothing sick or insane or wrong with a man seeking, pursuing and lust after a connection with a woman, any woman that he feels can stoke those passions. men like us hate 5 year car leases, we want to drive a different vehicle every 3 months. We never want too purchase houses, we want a new residence every year. We dream the impossible, we discover the forgotten, lost and invisible. Men with voracious appetites lead other men, we manifest theories of relativity and form laws of gravity and motion. Show me a man devoid of passion and I mean great passions and I will point out his insignificance to the rest of the world. In my 34 years, I have never seen a man that wants to conquer the world stop just short of conquering and pursuing the opposite sex, the law of passion consumes all and can not be so laserly focused as to permit one to be all encompassing in every aspect except love. Men, especially passionate, aggressive men love to live LIFE. They do not live to love fidelity.
Or at least that's the way I feel today :-)
The saga continues...
Saturday, September 6, 2008
No Omega
Act 1- The awakening
In the desolate emptiness of deep black nothingness. When there was no separation of Universe; no sectioning of Nebula and no distinction of Galaxies. In the vast black abyss, matter and time and space were all one.
In an event that can only be described as creation; time and space and matter begin to crack and break and have distinguishing characteristics. Time began to move ever forward without hope of looking back. Matter was in its most dense and heavy state. Space could only be quantified by the amount of matter it could hold and the time it took to reach its most outer boundaries, in other words, it was limitless.
Here at this very moment, in this very space; time, matter and space disbanded from one another, yet, remained inextricably tied to one another. This reorganization had a titanic effect. Where time, space and matter merged spawned the creation of two celestial beings, the likes of which the burgeoning universe had never produced. In the new form of their beings; the offspring of time, space and matter spent millennial learning to spur their own awakening. These two beings would later call themselves Ewee (pronounced YOU) and Eeyee (pronounced I).
In this early existence of the young universe there was no oxygen, no hydrogen, no carbon and therefore no air. Consequently, there was no light, no sound and nothing that traveled or moved. There was no order, no chaos and no rules. There was no systematic law of order to follow and no charter too uphold. There was no gravity, no polarity and no positive or negative to attract or repel. There were only two beings with absolute power and they had no clue as to how to use it yet.
The elemental figures known as Ewee and Eeyee spent most of the newly formed time, discovering space and learning to manipulate matter. Many Millennial passed and Ewee and Eeyee learned that anything and everything could be possible if they so desired and investing their beings into it. So Ewee gave Eeyee air! In with his first breathe Eeyee gave praise to Ewee. And this event caused there to be a natural order of things. Natural law had been born. Wishes and desires are internalized and praise goes up to be meet with fruition. Right then Ewee and Eyee learned to believe.
In the millennial to follow Ewee learned to control inert gases and organic matter and many things of beauty. Ewee took oxygen and and hydrogen and created air and subsequently water.
Eeye took the air that Ewee made and used it to form flowers that he would give to Ewee. From the elements of inert gases and water that Ewee made, Eeyee created soil and then light and sound that traveled in wave lengths. Then there was energy that could burn or warm. Lastly Eyee engineered matter that could float in space and be used as a domicile or shelter or simply a place to be.
Over hundreds of thousands of light millennial Ewee and Eeyee decided that all the power to control and create was useless if what was created was inanimate and without life. They wanted to create something that could and would transcend them both and become greater than the sum of them both. Something that could sustain and give life all on its own and flourish for time immemorial.
Without thinking and without the aid of conscious decision Ewee and Eeyee moved ever closer to one another. Dangerously close; so close that the ensuing illumination generated enough heat to warm the outer constellations. So close that their combined mass was so great their heaviness nearly collapsed upon itself. So great was the power and emotion that time itself stood still for the first time since its original dawning.
Unbeknowst to them, their simple act of touching defined and confirmed solidarity, togetherness, unconditional care and affection; they had created what they sought. In that moment Ewee and Eeyee discovered the only power great enough to give and sustain life, to heal and move, to forgive and forget, to change and forever remain constant. In that moment Ewee and Eeyee created LOVE!
Act 2- What hath...
Armed with the most miraculous of gifts, in the first few eons of the young universe, Ewee and Eeyee set about the business of creating life. With love as the sharpened spear-head tool that Ewee and Eyee would carved matter into life, space into habitats and time into a measurement to determine the span of those lives.
In the fevered pitch of their work, Ewee and Eeyee displaced massive amounts of matter, causing smaller bits and particles to move about and collide and become islands in the sea of time and space. Ewee would sometimes dig your fingers into a nearby sphere and from the dirt pull trees and shrubs to the surface. Eyee would complement that fact by taking a piece of matter in hand and squeezing it so tightly that it would super-heat to the point of shining brightly for many billions of years to come.
This time at the beginning edges of space and matter were wondrous; in the wake of their path of discovery, they left life and life supporting essentials. They laughed and worked and loved for many millenial before tiring themselves out. Ewee and Eeyee, finally set aside a moment too reflect and consider what love hath made.
Act 3- Passion Begins
Ewee and Eeyee decided to take a much needed, richly deserved sabbatical. A holiday for for the newly loved, that had just found what love was all about. Love can be taxing when it is challenged and put too work. Love is resilient and can hide fatigue and challenge the weary to go on when physically it seems impossible. Alas, when love pushed them to work beyond thier limits they had to find another spark, something that helps loves flames maintain its glorious ignition.
Ewee and Eeyee, in the midst of all that we had accomplished stopped too take a look around and marvel at their work. Their small space in the vast universe was aglow with their handy work and their greatest tool-love. There, in the shadows was a once shining example of what happens when love is allowed to run rampant and unchecked, when Ewee and Eeyee did not pay attention to how we used the powerful tool of love. A planet, one we neglected as we molded and shaped galaxies; formed and gave life to constellations and nebula, a lone planet lie in the distance frozen over and barren.
Ewee looked at the gigantic sphere and began to mourn its frigid lifeless state. Ewee looked the sphere and said to Eeyee, "Had we just forgot this one". Eeyee, looked at Ewee and sadly replied "I think we might have". Smiling, Eeyee reached his mighty hands inside the plant and found its core still burning and still trying to create enough heat to melt the mountainous layers of ice that had encased the planet. Looking into Ewee's eyes and hoping to solicit a smile from her pretty face, Eeyee rubbed the planet's core between his hands and generated enough warmth to cause the glacial snow caps to release the trapped, life giving water it held in for centuries. As the water began to pour, Ewee climbed on the planet and let the chilly liquid cover her entirely. Seeing this Eeyee joined in and decided to hold Ewee as the cascading aquatic love den continued to warm this once frosty, neglected planet began to show signs of life.
Eeyee had encountered a feeling that he had never felt before. He was warm and cold; excited but scared; he had an acute sense of the now, but felt as if he had been here before. His urges were not just too kiss Ewee, but too consume her, to attach himself to her in ways he had never before. He felt invigorated and simultaneously as weak as a lamb. When he touched his lips to Ewee's, his eyes were closed and lips slightly parted. All he could think to do was lie Ewee on her back, to hover over her gently. If he could, he would have opened his chest and given his very soul to her.
Ewee, laying on her back now, reached for the nape of Eeyee's neck and pulled his face down to hers. Her lips slightly parted and back rightfully arched, she could not resist the idea of joining Eeyee in some blissful entanglement of soul mending. Ewee could feel Eeyee's love her for her in ways that she never imagined. She wanted to return that love in equal measures and meet his physicality with pure softness and allowed him to have her as he wished and too have him as she needed.
Little did Ewee and Eeyee now at the time, but as they lay in the formless sphere, their love den was being given shape by their every move and sound. As Eeyee kissed Ewee down her obliques and over her stomach, she would recoil and squirm. Ewee dug in her heels and pushed mightily against the planets surface and created buckles and peaks on the planet that reached for miles into the sky. Eeyee would bend to reach for Ewee's hips and dug his knees deep into the soil and created caverns and craters that stretched for miles. As Eeyee pulled Ewee's hips into his face her outstretched hands reached for tons of earth and displaced flat land and left canyons of space in-between. As Ewee screamed out in ecstasy, the clouds spread and the things that fly mimicked her sounds of love making and rejoiced with a song of their own. Eeye, could contain his love noises no better than Ewee, he let out a mighty yell that the majestic beast of the land would imitate for millions of years to come.
Joined now, the love could not be contained. The movements created the beginnings of a fine planet that produces life over and over again. Their love, connected on a higher plane and the ensuing result was the ultimate living, loving organism known as earth and it was created from a hyper sense of love, called PASSION.
Act 4-Life means choices
After exhausting themselves once again, this time in the name of passion. Ewee and Eeyee slumbered and nestled into the place that they had created; his hands around her waist, her hands cupped his face gently. As the water receded in beds created for it by the tossing and turning of Ewee and Eeyee and life sprung up around them. They laughed as Birds landed on their shoulders and Mastodons tussled and tickled their toes.
As never before, time was measured in increments, space was a finite place and matter could be organized and shaped to suit the needs of the living things on this planet. Still there were no nights and days and the temperature of the fragile young planet was largely held in check Ewee and Eeyee's passion. In what they learned was life, Ewee and Eeyee discovered that passion was a fleeting power and largely unpredictable. There were times when Ewee and Eeyee would scorch the poor planet with the heat from the vigor and strength of their passion. Then, there were times when the passion would grow so cold that living things on the planet would freeze and wilt. Though the love was constant and the passion itense at times, the fate of the world they created depended heavily on their individual will and the power of an entity neither could control-Passion.
Ewee and Eeyee tried, boy did they try. For millenial the two attempted to react the heat, energy and passion that they used to create the planet-to sustain that same planet. Ewee and Eeyee, knew that something had to be done. However, loved would not let them act, love they discovered only cared about love. You see love made you act, would not and could not stand inaction. Love made you move, forced you to go, implored you to be in the moment. Love kept Ewee and Eeyee together, But at the cost of what? Was love telling us to be together even at the expense of the greater good?
Ewee begged Eeyee not to do it...Ewee knew that this time would come, she had simply hoped that it would be many light years and maybe on another plane of existence. A plane where there was no such thing as pain or loss. Eeyee had made up his mind, he knew what must be done and that he was the one that had too do it. In his heart he knew that he would hurt Ewee with his decesion, but, not as much as it would hurt for her to see this world that they had made out of passion and love DIE.
Ewee yelled at Eeyee "what about our love" and Eeyee replied "our love is forever and nothing will ever change that". With that he went about the work of using all of his energy for heating and illimunating the Earth. He figured he could do this for a Million-Million years or so before buring himself out. At this moment he was not worried about how long he could shine, but about the soul he was leaving behind, the only love he had ever known-Ewee! Even as he moved to go about his most noble task, he knew she would wait. No matter how long it took, she would wait.
He affixed himself 93 million miles from the Earth. The exact coordinates was just far enough away to warm without burning; and just close enough to light without blinding. In concert with him and in exact harmony, she awaits him not so far away. In fact, just close enough to play her position and spell him at night. Still being his rock and allowing him rest when he so desperately needs it.
Every now and again, they cross each others path and talk of one day being together again forever. This happens largely in a vaccum and unbenowst to the citizens of the world they built. As they move slowly past one another, the Earth is reminded of what life (or lack there of) would be like if one or other did not exist. In this wrinkle in time, they laugh and enjoy what they had and built and never laminate the choices that they made. As time, space and matter endureth, they are emboldened, because they know that their love and passion can outlast all three!
In the desolate emptiness of deep black nothingness. When there was no separation of Universe; no sectioning of Nebula and no distinction of Galaxies. In the vast black abyss, matter and time and space were all one.
In an event that can only be described as creation; time and space and matter begin to crack and break and have distinguishing characteristics. Time began to move ever forward without hope of looking back. Matter was in its most dense and heavy state. Space could only be quantified by the amount of matter it could hold and the time it took to reach its most outer boundaries, in other words, it was limitless.
Here at this very moment, in this very space; time, matter and space disbanded from one another, yet, remained inextricably tied to one another. This reorganization had a titanic effect. Where time, space and matter merged spawned the creation of two celestial beings, the likes of which the burgeoning universe had never produced. In the new form of their beings; the offspring of time, space and matter spent millennial learning to spur their own awakening. These two beings would later call themselves Ewee (pronounced YOU) and Eeyee (pronounced I).
In this early existence of the young universe there was no oxygen, no hydrogen, no carbon and therefore no air. Consequently, there was no light, no sound and nothing that traveled or moved. There was no order, no chaos and no rules. There was no systematic law of order to follow and no charter too uphold. There was no gravity, no polarity and no positive or negative to attract or repel. There were only two beings with absolute power and they had no clue as to how to use it yet.
The elemental figures known as Ewee and Eeyee spent most of the newly formed time, discovering space and learning to manipulate matter. Many Millennial passed and Ewee and Eeyee learned that anything and everything could be possible if they so desired and investing their beings into it. So Ewee gave Eeyee air! In with his first breathe Eeyee gave praise to Ewee. And this event caused there to be a natural order of things. Natural law had been born. Wishes and desires are internalized and praise goes up to be meet with fruition. Right then Ewee and Eyee learned to believe.
In the millennial to follow Ewee learned to control inert gases and organic matter and many things of beauty. Ewee took oxygen and and hydrogen and created air and subsequently water.
Eeye took the air that Ewee made and used it to form flowers that he would give to Ewee. From the elements of inert gases and water that Ewee made, Eeyee created soil and then light and sound that traveled in wave lengths. Then there was energy that could burn or warm. Lastly Eyee engineered matter that could float in space and be used as a domicile or shelter or simply a place to be.
Over hundreds of thousands of light millennial Ewee and Eeyee decided that all the power to control and create was useless if what was created was inanimate and without life. They wanted to create something that could and would transcend them both and become greater than the sum of them both. Something that could sustain and give life all on its own and flourish for time immemorial.
Without thinking and without the aid of conscious decision Ewee and Eeyee moved ever closer to one another. Dangerously close; so close that the ensuing illumination generated enough heat to warm the outer constellations. So close that their combined mass was so great their heaviness nearly collapsed upon itself. So great was the power and emotion that time itself stood still for the first time since its original dawning.
Unbeknowst to them, their simple act of touching defined and confirmed solidarity, togetherness, unconditional care and affection; they had created what they sought. In that moment Ewee and Eeyee discovered the only power great enough to give and sustain life, to heal and move, to forgive and forget, to change and forever remain constant. In that moment Ewee and Eeyee created LOVE!
Act 2- What hath...
Armed with the most miraculous of gifts, in the first few eons of the young universe, Ewee and Eeyee set about the business of creating life. With love as the sharpened spear-head tool that Ewee and Eyee would carved matter into life, space into habitats and time into a measurement to determine the span of those lives.
In the fevered pitch of their work, Ewee and Eeyee displaced massive amounts of matter, causing smaller bits and particles to move about and collide and become islands in the sea of time and space. Ewee would sometimes dig your fingers into a nearby sphere and from the dirt pull trees and shrubs to the surface. Eyee would complement that fact by taking a piece of matter in hand and squeezing it so tightly that it would super-heat to the point of shining brightly for many billions of years to come.
This time at the beginning edges of space and matter were wondrous; in the wake of their path of discovery, they left life and life supporting essentials. They laughed and worked and loved for many millenial before tiring themselves out. Ewee and Eeyee, finally set aside a moment too reflect and consider what love hath made.
Act 3- Passion Begins
Ewee and Eeyee decided to take a much needed, richly deserved sabbatical. A holiday for for the newly loved, that had just found what love was all about. Love can be taxing when it is challenged and put too work. Love is resilient and can hide fatigue and challenge the weary to go on when physically it seems impossible. Alas, when love pushed them to work beyond thier limits they had to find another spark, something that helps loves flames maintain its glorious ignition.
Ewee and Eeyee, in the midst of all that we had accomplished stopped too take a look around and marvel at their work. Their small space in the vast universe was aglow with their handy work and their greatest tool-love. There, in the shadows was a once shining example of what happens when love is allowed to run rampant and unchecked, when Ewee and Eeyee did not pay attention to how we used the powerful tool of love. A planet, one we neglected as we molded and shaped galaxies; formed and gave life to constellations and nebula, a lone planet lie in the distance frozen over and barren.
Ewee looked at the gigantic sphere and began to mourn its frigid lifeless state. Ewee looked the sphere and said to Eeyee, "Had we just forgot this one". Eeyee, looked at Ewee and sadly replied "I think we might have". Smiling, Eeyee reached his mighty hands inside the plant and found its core still burning and still trying to create enough heat to melt the mountainous layers of ice that had encased the planet. Looking into Ewee's eyes and hoping to solicit a smile from her pretty face, Eeyee rubbed the planet's core between his hands and generated enough warmth to cause the glacial snow caps to release the trapped, life giving water it held in for centuries. As the water began to pour, Ewee climbed on the planet and let the chilly liquid cover her entirely. Seeing this Eeyee joined in and decided to hold Ewee as the cascading aquatic love den continued to warm this once frosty, neglected planet began to show signs of life.
Eeyee had encountered a feeling that he had never felt before. He was warm and cold; excited but scared; he had an acute sense of the now, but felt as if he had been here before. His urges were not just too kiss Ewee, but too consume her, to attach himself to her in ways he had never before. He felt invigorated and simultaneously as weak as a lamb. When he touched his lips to Ewee's, his eyes were closed and lips slightly parted. All he could think to do was lie Ewee on her back, to hover over her gently. If he could, he would have opened his chest and given his very soul to her.
Ewee, laying on her back now, reached for the nape of Eeyee's neck and pulled his face down to hers. Her lips slightly parted and back rightfully arched, she could not resist the idea of joining Eeyee in some blissful entanglement of soul mending. Ewee could feel Eeyee's love her for her in ways that she never imagined. She wanted to return that love in equal measures and meet his physicality with pure softness and allowed him to have her as he wished and too have him as she needed.
Little did Ewee and Eeyee now at the time, but as they lay in the formless sphere, their love den was being given shape by their every move and sound. As Eeyee kissed Ewee down her obliques and over her stomach, she would recoil and squirm. Ewee dug in her heels and pushed mightily against the planets surface and created buckles and peaks on the planet that reached for miles into the sky. Eeyee would bend to reach for Ewee's hips and dug his knees deep into the soil and created caverns and craters that stretched for miles. As Eeyee pulled Ewee's hips into his face her outstretched hands reached for tons of earth and displaced flat land and left canyons of space in-between. As Ewee screamed out in ecstasy, the clouds spread and the things that fly mimicked her sounds of love making and rejoiced with a song of their own. Eeye, could contain his love noises no better than Ewee, he let out a mighty yell that the majestic beast of the land would imitate for millions of years to come.
Joined now, the love could not be contained. The movements created the beginnings of a fine planet that produces life over and over again. Their love, connected on a higher plane and the ensuing result was the ultimate living, loving organism known as earth and it was created from a hyper sense of love, called PASSION.
Act 4-Life means choices
After exhausting themselves once again, this time in the name of passion. Ewee and Eeyee slumbered and nestled into the place that they had created; his hands around her waist, her hands cupped his face gently. As the water receded in beds created for it by the tossing and turning of Ewee and Eeyee and life sprung up around them. They laughed as Birds landed on their shoulders and Mastodons tussled and tickled their toes.
As never before, time was measured in increments, space was a finite place and matter could be organized and shaped to suit the needs of the living things on this planet. Still there were no nights and days and the temperature of the fragile young planet was largely held in check Ewee and Eeyee's passion. In what they learned was life, Ewee and Eeyee discovered that passion was a fleeting power and largely unpredictable. There were times when Ewee and Eeyee would scorch the poor planet with the heat from the vigor and strength of their passion. Then, there were times when the passion would grow so cold that living things on the planet would freeze and wilt. Though the love was constant and the passion itense at times, the fate of the world they created depended heavily on their individual will and the power of an entity neither could control-Passion.
Ewee and Eeyee tried, boy did they try. For millenial the two attempted to react the heat, energy and passion that they used to create the planet-to sustain that same planet. Ewee and Eeyee, knew that something had to be done. However, loved would not let them act, love they discovered only cared about love. You see love made you act, would not and could not stand inaction. Love made you move, forced you to go, implored you to be in the moment. Love kept Ewee and Eeyee together, But at the cost of what? Was love telling us to be together even at the expense of the greater good?
Ewee begged Eeyee not to do it...Ewee knew that this time would come, she had simply hoped that it would be many light years and maybe on another plane of existence. A plane where there was no such thing as pain or loss. Eeyee had made up his mind, he knew what must be done and that he was the one that had too do it. In his heart he knew that he would hurt Ewee with his decesion, but, not as much as it would hurt for her to see this world that they had made out of passion and love DIE.
Ewee yelled at Eeyee "what about our love" and Eeyee replied "our love is forever and nothing will ever change that". With that he went about the work of using all of his energy for heating and illimunating the Earth. He figured he could do this for a Million-Million years or so before buring himself out. At this moment he was not worried about how long he could shine, but about the soul he was leaving behind, the only love he had ever known-Ewee! Even as he moved to go about his most noble task, he knew she would wait. No matter how long it took, she would wait.
He affixed himself 93 million miles from the Earth. The exact coordinates was just far enough away to warm without burning; and just close enough to light without blinding. In concert with him and in exact harmony, she awaits him not so far away. In fact, just close enough to play her position and spell him at night. Still being his rock and allowing him rest when he so desperately needs it.
Every now and again, they cross each others path and talk of one day being together again forever. This happens largely in a vaccum and unbenowst to the citizens of the world they built. As they move slowly past one another, the Earth is reminded of what life (or lack there of) would be like if one or other did not exist. In this wrinkle in time, they laugh and enjoy what they had and built and never laminate the choices that they made. As time, space and matter endureth, they are emboldened, because they know that their love and passion can outlast all three!
Friday, May 30, 2008
Looking forward to the past
Last night I was lying in bed, minding my own business and sleeping soundly. I am sure I was dreaming of the Lakers and Kobe Bryant winning a championship without Shaq or pulling off some multi-million dollar deal without a dime of my own money when suddenly and out of the blue... A thunderous crash in my brain and cerebral lightning strikes and I am standing in the office of one my friends over at the NBC tower. This was not surprising or shocking too me, this particular friend and I do see each other maybe twice a year and I go to her office and we have lunch somewhere and catch up. I am wearing my standard uniform; basic brown shoes, tan khaki-colored suit, with white shirt , no tie and brown belt. I believe that I am waiting for my friend of about 18 years to come out of her office restroom so we can head over to Grande Luxe Cafe, a place she loves and I can barely tolerate, except for these glorious little desserts.
While standing, both hands firmly entrenched in the pockets of my slacks; attitude slowly building because of the much anticipated, yet highly unnecessary wait. In this time and space, I began to think about the myriad of things going on in my afternoon that I absolutely must remember to get too. At last the door cracks, but, my old childhood friend does not enter. I turn slightly and alter my stance to help the door open and my heart nearly stops. Standing before me is none other than you. Wearing a navy and white Anne Taylor business ensemble with navy and white lady wing tip shoes, I would almost swear that you were there for a meeting of some sort. An eternity passes by inside of a nanosecond and not a word is said. That is when I realize that the only person shocked by this chance meeting is me; you clearly have come with a purpose and a mission. Standing in complete shock I relent my position and begin to back peddle, you slowly make your way into the room filling up the void between the door and my right arm.
Looking deep into your eyes searching for a clue as to why and how I am standing here fully clothed, yet my soul is stone naked before you. You give no hint nor clue as to your intentions, you simply saunter over to me, look up into my eyes and without a word convince my heart too surrender. My heart complies with your request and my will is soon too follow. You reach for my hand and I melt within your touch. You pull me closer to you and for a second I nearly lose my footing as quickly as I lost my desire to resist. Still, without a word being spoken you engage me with a warm embrace; the sight, the smell and feel are all so familiar. My hands instantly remember every curve and every soft spot. Your breath, so warm and inviting on my neck that I bend at the knees and pull you closer to me. Before I even realize what is happening I am caressing your back and running my hands the length of your back and down over your sweet ass.
Lost in this rhythmic dance my body responds to your touch. Still, in this space and time our bodies become one; writhing, needing organism, growing and feeding lust and love lost in years past. The hunger rises and I can not wait one more second to touch your lips with mine. Inside of the breath it took to cover your mouth with my own, I am transported back to that sacred day that I met you and held you in my arms for the first time, and the kiss that ensued. This time there would be no glaring looks from on-lookers, no horns blowing and no threats from gum shoe beat walkers relegated to guarding the park we nestled in. This time, its just you and I, this passion and desire and the maddeningly delightful inscription of a story yet untold. I was your Odysseus and you my Penelope. Not quite ten years, but long enough for a fable to be written.
With our mouths and tongues busy, our hands join the party. You began wresting my jacket from my torso and I help you. Still not sure if this is right or good or real; I slowly let go of every chivalrous thought I ever held in our previous meetings. I let my guard and do not wonder if this passion in the making is moral or ethical or what the risk later in life will be. My only thought is that this love inside of me is too big and too uncontrollable to hold any longer, I know you must feel the same way by the way you are releasing buttons from my shirt. Not too be out done, with my lips still connected to yours, I begin removing your clothing with vigor. I think I broke a button! I hope that you don't mind. Shit, I guess we're even, you just ripped a belt loop off of my pants trying to release the buckle.
Still, having only shared touches, feels, caressing, holds, massages, grinds and moans, to this point there hasn't been one word uttered between us. Somehow though, I think we understand each other perfectly. As I finally slide your shirt from your shoulders, I notice your brown skin glowing under the fluorescent of the office. You remove my shirt and unbutton my pants but leave them zipped, you slide my T-top t-shirt out of my pants and slip it over my head, I bend down just a little to help you. Now we are smiling at one another, sharing a moment like only we can share, like we have shared so many times before. Our smiles soften and I pull you close as I lean against the edge of the desk, I begin kissing you once again and again your body responds. This time I have visual evidence as I remove your bra with one hand hold you with my free hand. Not too be out done, you finally unzip my pants and hold me in your hands. The love is so thick in the air, anyone attempting to look in upon us would be be blinded as if by the thickest Chicago Fog. I feel your warm skin next mine, I caress and suck your hardened nipples. You return the favor placing your hand deep inside my overly stretched underwear.
Seeing you here, in nothing but some pale blue panties, I wonder too myself how one allows their one and only wife, their best friend and the only woman they have ever thought of mothering their children get away. I don't know the answer and it will not be answered this afternoon. There is something far more pressing on my mind; how in the hell do I act cool, when I am about to explode from the excitement. As I stand to allow you easier access to me and what has ultimately always been yours! You slide my pants down to my shoes and now nearly nothing stands between us, between our love and between this passion penned up for way too long. Starting at your lips and then down to you neck and over your shoulders and down your chest I place kisses. Across each nipple and down your stomach I suckle and nibble every inch of your body. Now down on my knees, as if apologizing and pleading at the same time, I grab your ass with both hands and pull you into my face, kissing your pelvis, I gently tug at the waistline of your panties and slide them over your hips and down to your ankles as you step out of your shoes.
Asking me to rise, simply by touching both my shoulders with your hands. I stand to my feet, look you in your eyes one more time, searching for a hint of remorse, the scent of regret. I find none. Still, Looking at you, I swipe everything from the once cluttered desk with my arm. I invite you to lay down on the desk by extending my hand. You accept and lay on your back, legs curiously spread and the scent of you and a hint of warmth and love glisten from the very essence of you. I join you atop that desk and images of home fill my head, The anticipation of love and love making transports me to another place, some place deep inside your soul. I am consumed with the feeling of going home and being home. You in every way are inviting me home I drift down upon you as a cloud lightly, gently and effortlessly hovers above the earth and you are waiting and anticipating me coming home...
While standing, both hands firmly entrenched in the pockets of my slacks; attitude slowly building because of the much anticipated, yet highly unnecessary wait. In this time and space, I began to think about the myriad of things going on in my afternoon that I absolutely must remember to get too. At last the door cracks, but, my old childhood friend does not enter. I turn slightly and alter my stance to help the door open and my heart nearly stops. Standing before me is none other than you. Wearing a navy and white Anne Taylor business ensemble with navy and white lady wing tip shoes, I would almost swear that you were there for a meeting of some sort. An eternity passes by inside of a nanosecond and not a word is said. That is when I realize that the only person shocked by this chance meeting is me; you clearly have come with a purpose and a mission. Standing in complete shock I relent my position and begin to back peddle, you slowly make your way into the room filling up the void between the door and my right arm.
Looking deep into your eyes searching for a clue as to why and how I am standing here fully clothed, yet my soul is stone naked before you. You give no hint nor clue as to your intentions, you simply saunter over to me, look up into my eyes and without a word convince my heart too surrender. My heart complies with your request and my will is soon too follow. You reach for my hand and I melt within your touch. You pull me closer to you and for a second I nearly lose my footing as quickly as I lost my desire to resist. Still, without a word being spoken you engage me with a warm embrace; the sight, the smell and feel are all so familiar. My hands instantly remember every curve and every soft spot. Your breath, so warm and inviting on my neck that I bend at the knees and pull you closer to me. Before I even realize what is happening I am caressing your back and running my hands the length of your back and down over your sweet ass.
Lost in this rhythmic dance my body responds to your touch. Still, in this space and time our bodies become one; writhing, needing organism, growing and feeding lust and love lost in years past. The hunger rises and I can not wait one more second to touch your lips with mine. Inside of the breath it took to cover your mouth with my own, I am transported back to that sacred day that I met you and held you in my arms for the first time, and the kiss that ensued. This time there would be no glaring looks from on-lookers, no horns blowing and no threats from gum shoe beat walkers relegated to guarding the park we nestled in. This time, its just you and I, this passion and desire and the maddeningly delightful inscription of a story yet untold. I was your Odysseus and you my Penelope. Not quite ten years, but long enough for a fable to be written.
With our mouths and tongues busy, our hands join the party. You began wresting my jacket from my torso and I help you. Still not sure if this is right or good or real; I slowly let go of every chivalrous thought I ever held in our previous meetings. I let my guard and do not wonder if this passion in the making is moral or ethical or what the risk later in life will be. My only thought is that this love inside of me is too big and too uncontrollable to hold any longer, I know you must feel the same way by the way you are releasing buttons from my shirt. Not too be out done, with my lips still connected to yours, I begin removing your clothing with vigor. I think I broke a button! I hope that you don't mind. Shit, I guess we're even, you just ripped a belt loop off of my pants trying to release the buckle.
Still, having only shared touches, feels, caressing, holds, massages, grinds and moans, to this point there hasn't been one word uttered between us. Somehow though, I think we understand each other perfectly. As I finally slide your shirt from your shoulders, I notice your brown skin glowing under the fluorescent of the office. You remove my shirt and unbutton my pants but leave them zipped, you slide my T-top t-shirt out of my pants and slip it over my head, I bend down just a little to help you. Now we are smiling at one another, sharing a moment like only we can share, like we have shared so many times before. Our smiles soften and I pull you close as I lean against the edge of the desk, I begin kissing you once again and again your body responds. This time I have visual evidence as I remove your bra with one hand hold you with my free hand. Not too be out done, you finally unzip my pants and hold me in your hands. The love is so thick in the air, anyone attempting to look in upon us would be be blinded as if by the thickest Chicago Fog. I feel your warm skin next mine, I caress and suck your hardened nipples. You return the favor placing your hand deep inside my overly stretched underwear.
Seeing you here, in nothing but some pale blue panties, I wonder too myself how one allows their one and only wife, their best friend and the only woman they have ever thought of mothering their children get away. I don't know the answer and it will not be answered this afternoon. There is something far more pressing on my mind; how in the hell do I act cool, when I am about to explode from the excitement. As I stand to allow you easier access to me and what has ultimately always been yours! You slide my pants down to my shoes and now nearly nothing stands between us, between our love and between this passion penned up for way too long. Starting at your lips and then down to you neck and over your shoulders and down your chest I place kisses. Across each nipple and down your stomach I suckle and nibble every inch of your body. Now down on my knees, as if apologizing and pleading at the same time, I grab your ass with both hands and pull you into my face, kissing your pelvis, I gently tug at the waistline of your panties and slide them over your hips and down to your ankles as you step out of your shoes.
Asking me to rise, simply by touching both my shoulders with your hands. I stand to my feet, look you in your eyes one more time, searching for a hint of remorse, the scent of regret. I find none. Still, Looking at you, I swipe everything from the once cluttered desk with my arm. I invite you to lay down on the desk by extending my hand. You accept and lay on your back, legs curiously spread and the scent of you and a hint of warmth and love glisten from the very essence of you. I join you atop that desk and images of home fill my head, The anticipation of love and love making transports me to another place, some place deep inside your soul. I am consumed with the feeling of going home and being home. You in every way are inviting me home I drift down upon you as a cloud lightly, gently and effortlessly hovers above the earth and you are waiting and anticipating me coming home...
Monday, March 31, 2008
...and then what!
"Because the only one I have ever loved, is the only one that will never love me".
We got together to cure your financial woes. At least that was the promise. You needed money and security and I needed sex or so I told you.
The money was always a day away, but the promises were always present. As long as we were together, you could never be broke, because the tapestry that was woven was deep and rich in the fabric of hope and chance.
Things began with you calling for me from a desperate place. You tried to lust for money before and with disastrous results. Maybe the fact that you had a boyfriend and was still loving this person was more of a hindrance than you were willing to admit to yourself. The more time we spent, the less money became an issue, the more confusion injected, the more the lie swallowed us both.
Time passed, but the lies did not. Money did indeed change hands, but reciprocity ruled and you paid dearly for every dime you got from me. Before you knew it, you were attending cookouts and bar-b-ques hosted by family and attended by yours. Lines got crossed and intentions blurred. The living of life came to a head and you learned a valuable lesson: You can't walk on both sides of the street at the same time! The secrets had to be uncloaked, but not just yours, you see I held a few secrets of my own.
You see the stories of infamy and wealth were all true. The money was there and yours for the taking, what was not yours and could never be was the one thing you were was so sure that you possessed-My heart. You see there was a game being played and a scam taking place, but, what was at stake was never money! The prize was each others soul. You apologized ever so smugly as if you had broken me, because you saw me show some emotion. The truth remained that I was broken long before we ever met. "She" broke me and never cared to clean up the mess, to dust up the broken pieces. My feelings for you were the broken, fractured type. Feelings that were never unconditional and never elastic.
My dear the sex was just one small way that I wanted/needed to control you. I needed to control you, not because I cared for you, but because I could never ever control her. What you received was just a bad facsimile of what she wanted from me. I rescued you, because that was the one role she afforded me unequivocally. I gave to you what she would not accept from me. I may have been your house to burn; your lesson to learn ,if you were smart. However, you my dear, you were the demon I needed to exorcise. The only way that I could finally fix her, was through you.
So as it ended , the frustration you saw was not about you at all. It was the exorcism of her. I had finally conquered her through you. The ashes you saw at your feet were not created by your heat, but, by a star that shone much brighter than your own. A star that was at once: my heat, my inspiration, muse and biggest frustration. Even with the same problems, same inept behaviours, lack of moral compass and propensity for all out foul fuckery, you could never cut me as deep. You did succeed in proving once and for all, that there is no one like her and from my heart you both must be expelled.
I feel bad because you were young and inexperienced and not ready for the mind fuck that was me. So remember to practice your tantra techniques, never forget that threesomes are best experienced when they are organic and not contrived and above all being multi-orgasmic is far more pleasurable for him than it is for her!
I see you still searching, still not knowing what to do with yourself. Unsure and undecided and thinking that the party will quiet the demons within. Well it won't and neither will the meds. Your life and your love and your decisions can't be made in a vacuum. On a positive note, we will always have the Sopranos Season 4:-)
We got together to cure your financial woes. At least that was the promise. You needed money and security and I needed sex or so I told you.
The money was always a day away, but the promises were always present. As long as we were together, you could never be broke, because the tapestry that was woven was deep and rich in the fabric of hope and chance.
Things began with you calling for me from a desperate place. You tried to lust for money before and with disastrous results. Maybe the fact that you had a boyfriend and was still loving this person was more of a hindrance than you were willing to admit to yourself. The more time we spent, the less money became an issue, the more confusion injected, the more the lie swallowed us both.
Time passed, but the lies did not. Money did indeed change hands, but reciprocity ruled and you paid dearly for every dime you got from me. Before you knew it, you were attending cookouts and bar-b-ques hosted by family and attended by yours. Lines got crossed and intentions blurred. The living of life came to a head and you learned a valuable lesson: You can't walk on both sides of the street at the same time! The secrets had to be uncloaked, but not just yours, you see I held a few secrets of my own.
You see the stories of infamy and wealth were all true. The money was there and yours for the taking, what was not yours and could never be was the one thing you were was so sure that you possessed-My heart. You see there was a game being played and a scam taking place, but, what was at stake was never money! The prize was each others soul. You apologized ever so smugly as if you had broken me, because you saw me show some emotion. The truth remained that I was broken long before we ever met. "She" broke me and never cared to clean up the mess, to dust up the broken pieces. My feelings for you were the broken, fractured type. Feelings that were never unconditional and never elastic.
My dear the sex was just one small way that I wanted/needed to control you. I needed to control you, not because I cared for you, but because I could never ever control her. What you received was just a bad facsimile of what she wanted from me. I rescued you, because that was the one role she afforded me unequivocally. I gave to you what she would not accept from me. I may have been your house to burn; your lesson to learn ,if you were smart. However, you my dear, you were the demon I needed to exorcise. The only way that I could finally fix her, was through you.
So as it ended , the frustration you saw was not about you at all. It was the exorcism of her. I had finally conquered her through you. The ashes you saw at your feet were not created by your heat, but, by a star that shone much brighter than your own. A star that was at once: my heat, my inspiration, muse and biggest frustration. Even with the same problems, same inept behaviours, lack of moral compass and propensity for all out foul fuckery, you could never cut me as deep. You did succeed in proving once and for all, that there is no one like her and from my heart you both must be expelled.
I feel bad because you were young and inexperienced and not ready for the mind fuck that was me. So remember to practice your tantra techniques, never forget that threesomes are best experienced when they are organic and not contrived and above all being multi-orgasmic is far more pleasurable for him than it is for her!
I see you still searching, still not knowing what to do with yourself. Unsure and undecided and thinking that the party will quiet the demons within. Well it won't and neither will the meds. Your life and your love and your decisions can't be made in a vacuum. On a positive note, we will always have the Sopranos Season 4:-)
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I Wrote Something on my Friend Moxies Blog
I believe that everyone wants to date above their station, its human nature. Psychologically and Physiologically people want to ensure that their offspring has the greatest chance of survival and increasingly that means social acceptance in todays world. So dating, the right person oft times means dating the physically attractive, well off and highly educated person.
Many women believe that having a degree and a career makes them more desirable to most men and as a man I can tell you that its not necessarily true. Matter of fact many times its a detriment; is it because men are intimidated by smart women? No. The reason is closer to ,why would I want someone that has the same skill set as I do! Would a football team have 5 field goal kickers? Does "Dancing with the Stars or "Idol" have three judges with the same personalties and temperaments? Of course not.
Furthermore, men and women dating out of their league has far too many facets singularly, to be lumped in together. Men dating out of their league has less to do with looks and more to do with ability too provide; while women dating men out their league typically speaks to a woman physical attractiveness. Case in point...A famous athlete can date just about any woman he wants regardless of physical appearance, i.e. Anthony Mason or Dennis Rodman. Where as a famous actress has a small much smaller dating pool. How many dating options does Beyonce really have? Not many. So dating above one's station is infinitely different depending on your sex and socio-economic background.
All that being said, everyone should simply put their bid in! Why? Because no matter what you never know if what you bring to the table is just what your desired love interest is missing. Also believing that someone that you find very attractive is shallow and only dates the types of people they have previously been seen with is just stupid. The example above of the guy only dating leggy blond's, leads me too think that maybe those are the women that approach him and he has a hard time approaching women, so he dates who wants to date him. If the authors "plain" friend approaches this guy and is herself and confident, she may find that she is actually the type of woman he prefers... or not! But isn't that what life is all about, the chance and the opportunity.
Thanks
Many women believe that having a degree and a career makes them more desirable to most men and as a man I can tell you that its not necessarily true. Matter of fact many times its a detriment; is it because men are intimidated by smart women? No. The reason is closer to ,why would I want someone that has the same skill set as I do! Would a football team have 5 field goal kickers? Does "Dancing with the Stars or "Idol" have three judges with the same personalties and temperaments? Of course not.
Furthermore, men and women dating out of their league has far too many facets singularly, to be lumped in together. Men dating out of their league has less to do with looks and more to do with ability too provide; while women dating men out their league typically speaks to a woman physical attractiveness. Case in point...A famous athlete can date just about any woman he wants regardless of physical appearance, i.e. Anthony Mason or Dennis Rodman. Where as a famous actress has a small much smaller dating pool. How many dating options does Beyonce really have? Not many. So dating above one's station is infinitely different depending on your sex and socio-economic background.
All that being said, everyone should simply put their bid in! Why? Because no matter what you never know if what you bring to the table is just what your desired love interest is missing. Also believing that someone that you find very attractive is shallow and only dates the types of people they have previously been seen with is just stupid. The example above of the guy only dating leggy blond's, leads me too think that maybe those are the women that approach him and he has a hard time approaching women, so he dates who wants to date him. If the authors "plain" friend approaches this guy and is herself and confident, she may find that she is actually the type of woman he prefers... or not! But isn't that what life is all about, the chance and the opportunity.
Thanks
Friday, January 11, 2008
Couldn't say it any better...
...Someone asked me what I wanted in a relationship. I replied:
What am I looking for? Like most people the
impossible...someone prettier than I should hope for,
sweeter than I deserve, more loving than I am myself
and as understanding as I strive to be. I am indeed
looking for my better half, my missing half; She who
will let me rule the day as I let her rule the night.
I am looking for a woman that is becoming extinct, the
rare sister that understands love is not about winning
or losing, but overcoming together. One team, one
fight, I am looking for a woman that one day wants to
be the BEST damn person possible for her husband and
her kids and her family, but understands that you
can't have it all-all the time. There is time to be
the corporate raider/career woman, a time to be a wife
and mother, a time to be a friend, a daughter, a
sister. A woman that knows its not about wearing all
those hats at once, but, when to switch from one hat
to another. I dreamt of this woman long ago and her
memories floats around faintly in my mind. I have
found suitable substitutes and reasonable facsimiles,
but never once her in the flesh. Maybe that is why I
am single. Perhaps I am a dreamer.
What am I looking for? Like most people the
impossible...someone prettier than I should hope for,
sweeter than I deserve, more loving than I am myself
and as understanding as I strive to be. I am indeed
looking for my better half, my missing half; She who
will let me rule the day as I let her rule the night.
I am looking for a woman that is becoming extinct, the
rare sister that understands love is not about winning
or losing, but overcoming together. One team, one
fight, I am looking for a woman that one day wants to
be the BEST damn person possible for her husband and
her kids and her family, but understands that you
can't have it all-all the time. There is time to be
the corporate raider/career woman, a time to be a wife
and mother, a time to be a friend, a daughter, a
sister. A woman that knows its not about wearing all
those hats at once, but, when to switch from one hat
to another. I dreamt of this woman long ago and her
memories floats around faintly in my mind. I have
found suitable substitutes and reasonable facsimiles,
but never once her in the flesh. Maybe that is why I
am single. Perhaps I am a dreamer.
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