So I took this Poly-test

Sometimes I feel like a I am completely poly amorous. Its certainly not that I don't feel that I could love one person for any uncertain length of time, Its just that the idea of giving up all the love I have ever acquired and forgoing all that I might ever experience seems a little difficult too me. The notion of one great love surpassing the sum of all the love collective that I ever felt and ever will feel seems optimistic at best!

There has always bee aspects of love that I will share with certain people forever and that more than anything other factor shapes who I am. With only one love in my life forever and ever amen; will cease to be this wonderfully well rounded and interesting person? Am I doomed to become one dimensional for the sake of loving this one person that will invariably fall in and out of love with me as often as the leaves change? I don't know tat I am quite ready to take a leap into something that will ultimately cause me to see my self as this conforming, romanticized version of a stagnant me.

While I am sure that marriage does not have to be the end of all things great in a person, fora guy like me where mental stimulation and grandiose gratification is paramount; I have to wonder if monogamy will ever fulfill me. We have one life; approximately 75 years to do all we want to do, after that its over! I want to experience every thing and look back and wonder if I overdid things and not the opposite. I don't want to look back and wonder if more love and stimulation would have been the difference in fulfillment or not. I don't mind being hurt if it means that I tried my best at something GREAT and just what the world would have me do. I want tom love 1 woman and than 2 and than 3... Can I expect one woman to understand and be attracted to the many layers that are me? There is the kid from the ghetto, the partying college kid and the corporate raider hell bent on getting rich-Fast. What the fuck! I can't can't hardly keep up with me and I am supposed to expect one woman to understand the dichotomy and be sexually compatible and emotionally nurturing and honest and loyal. I am no genius, but by my calculations that is fucking impossible.

So am I poly, greedy, a bastard or just confused... Who knows. What I do know is this blog is my honest attempt to embrace who I am and be emotionally and intellectually honest with none other than ME.

Here's the test results:

Your Score: Compassionate

You're 70% Poly =) 88% tolerant of the poly lifestyle =) (But... you're 23% just in it for the sex =))

A true poly, tolerant and loving, not just here for the sex and all around a good person...

but watch out... you're willing to lie to your mate to protect them, a typical compassionate pot hole - you'd do anything to prevent them from getting hurt right? (And lets face it having them upset at us doesn't help any either...)

Just becareful - some people will lie to protect their loved ones - and end up protecting them from ever knowing who you really are. That's not what you want - you should be finding someone who can love you for who you are and accept all the parts of you with out having to lie about any of them =/ And even that's something you can live with - If you're doing things you can't tell your loved one about anyway... you're not quite as good a person as you think you are =/

Becareful! That's all - end of sermon =)

Much love to you and good luck =)

Gabriel Night

Oh - just so you don't go off wondering - the first question? the one about monogamous cultures? the answer is 16% of recorded cultures have been monogamous - 84% have been non monogamous! how about that? =)

Link: The Polyamorous Test written by Gabriel_Night on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

To my City of Wind and Spirit

To My Beautiful City of Wind:

33 years ago we began this love affair
Standing on the corner of Lake and Lasalle
I discovered your beauty...
Wrote your name in the cold air with my breath
Walked along river banks and lakes shores at the same time
There were times of disappointment on 79th and Damen
Moments of despair on Central and Race
On Jackson you took me to your highest levels
I love you for each experience


But Sometimes:


There’s so much on mind
that I just can’t rewind
Blasting holes in the night
til she bled sunshine
Breathe in
Hell vapors for dark suns to shine
Breathe out
like weed smoke we trace the skyline
I heard the bass riding out like an ancient mating call
I can’t take it ya’ll
I can feel the city breathing
Chest heaving, against the flesh of the evening
look out for me, I’m on the last train leaving

Window of my soul

Late one evening LOVE came to me and asked “Are you ready to go with me”? Very willingly and without hesitation I answered ‘Yes’. Love titled her sweet little head and scrunched her nose in that way that only love can and curiously asked “why now, when I have come for you so many times before”? I looked up at LOVE as if I wasn’t going to dignify her question with a response and replied bluntly ‘Because of her, she is HER’! Love asked most excitedly “Why her”? “Remember when…”

And that is when LOVE and I began to reminisce about our history together. The story is told like this…. On a basketball court in Chicago during the late 80’s love introduced herself to me. She said “Hi” in a weak voice and somewhat mumbled tone. I knew little of love, only what I saw on T.V or heard in sappy songs that I hated at the time. Love politely asked if I would her to the bus stop and I replied ‘Naw, you know I am about to hoop with my boys’. Maybe I can get with you later’? Love lowered her pretty little head and said “ok, maybe later”. As I turned my back on love I didn’t notice the tears she held back as she walked home. Many years would pass before I would see LOVE again!

Several years later love found me in the hall of my high School. By this time I knew all about love. You make someone your girlfriend, you take them out, you always have someone to kiss and she wears your baseball letter man jacket and things are easy and breezy…right? Well Love sauntered up to me wearing the sweetest smile and requested all my time, energy and what little money I earned. Well Hell! That’s a small price to pay. After all I was getting all the kisses I wanted and Love sure did smell good. Besides everyone else had some love of their own and it’s mighty hard to hang out with no one to love…right! Then one day after learning about my impending departure to college, love asked if I would remain true to her! How could I be with only love, I am going to college and that is a whole entire planet away! I broke Love's heart, yet again she fled behind stifled tears.

This time there would be an even greater stretch between our meetings, but as sure as sand passes through hour glasses we did indeed meet again. During this time love was different, she constantly changed forms and none of them seemed to be that pure innocent version that was so familiar to me. She was cold, bent, tainted and unyielding. I wanted love but not at any cost, why wouldn’t love submit to the betterment of me, Hell-I had! Why couldn’t love understand that I was just some poor kid from the ghetto and I wanted more? Why didn’t love see that all I was doing was for us or me or both? Shit, I don’t know, I was right to be selfish…right? Screw love! If she can’t see that I need this regardless of what we need, well… she can just leave. And so she did, this time without a single tear and without any remorse. Love and I had conceded that we were not meant to be together, were too different or too young or too something.

Ohhhh Where art thou love! It has been 5 years and no sight of her. I didn’t mean all those mean things I said, didn’t really want her to leave. I know what I will do! I will win her back. Seduce her with my knowledge and how much I’ve grown. I’ll show love I can be her best friend, that I can take care of her, support her and be all she needs and more. This will surely bring love to me. Although this facsimile of her hurts me and takes advantage of me, love must see what’s happening and come for me, she always has before... She will rescue me from this because after all she is LOVE and love doesn’t hurt you, abuse you, cheat, lie and steal. That‘s not love …right? Well love never did come and that taught me more about love then I ever knew possible. I stopped chasing love and love never sought me out. Deep inside though… I knew we were connected.

Suddenly like a thief in the night LOVE knocked on my bedroom window and smiled that familiar smile. I opened that window and helped love inside. Without hesitation I opened up to her, she asked and I told. I never asked where she had been all this time because it didn’t matter. Her myriad of travels didn’t matter, only that she is back. Whether she had flashed that brilliant smile to others or not didn’t seem to matter. What did matter was that I show her how happy I was that she's back. We talked for hours, shared everything, laughed and made love. All that time apart me helped me realize what she meant to me, taught me the resolve to never lose H.E.R again!

Little Secret

Imagine for a minute:

You and I walking and talking and holding hands. The Chicago humidity so thick in the night air that your sun dress clings to your curves as if holding on for dear life. My Polo button-up has already seen its top three buttons lost to the heat with a fourth threatening to be undone.

We are leaving one of those neighborhood restaurants that can only be described as a "joint". One where people come from all over the city to sample the specialty. The bottle of Chianti was a perfect mate for the Chicken Parmigiana, just like your hand is a perfect mate for mine.

As we walk the clouds become decidedly threatening. The thunder growls and mocks our more than 1/8 of a mile trek to the train. Just our luck on this night, not a taxi in sight. The heavens open and offer the biggest droplets of water I have ever seen. Within seconds we are both drenched.

Too far from whence we came and not close enough to our destination to conceal us from the torrential down pour. You turn and stand in front of me, mocking my wetness as if you are not being bathed in natures tears. The once clingy dress is now hugging your frame in a manner that makes my entire body respond-instantly!

My eyes narrow and a sly smirk envelopes my mouth. You know this look, you know it very well. You return my gaze with a delightful devilish grin of your own. You attempt to slow passions rush by saying "Baby , no we can't". I grab your wrist and lead you into an apartment vestibule.

Still dripping wet, we embrace and within nanoseconds kissing each other passionately, vigurously. Feverishly we love each other with our mouths; disregarding any possible intrusion. With a free hand I open the glass door to our new found haven. Still intertwined your back finds a wall just the other side of the door.

My hands are finding their way up your 3/4 length wringing wet dress, sandals squeaking against the linoleum floor at a fevers pitch. You begin to free me from my khaki short constraint, all the while our tongues continue to dance in perfect harmony within each other's mouths. We can sense the traffic hurrying by the glass door as others seek shelter from the down pour and clatter of clouds rambling together. If anyone decides to breach our little enclave they will no doubt have full view of two people oblivious to their existence. I want you, right here and right now. This is where passion will soon overflow.

You finally get my zipper unloosed, as you find me with your still wet hands. I swear that steam rose from your palm as you so lovingly and graciously freed me from my captive clothing. With near perfect precision I lift you and the front of your dress up to meet me. With dexterity usually reserved for magicians you guide me inside your love.

The moment we connect your expression is one of simple bliss and surprise and I nearly blackout from the melding of our rapturous appetites. We embrace and hold each other close as our bodies are locked into the depths of loves expression, but, on two totally different planes of existence simultaneously.

Our release is conjoined, yours seconds before mine, yet, I continue to love you through each wave of bliss that you pass through. After a few moments, your breathing stabilizes and we both begin the slow descend back to earth from the only heaven I have ever known.

Standing in this suddenly not so quaint den of love, we remember that this is someones court way. We straighten and groom each other and help putting things back in their proper place. Soon we venture out and and return to our route towards the train.

A half empty train awaits us as we continue to talk and hold hands. Finding our seats we slink back and whisper about the night that will forever remain our little secret.

I love my music collection

My music takes me too so many different places; it says so much about who I am. Sometimes my music is rich and passionate. Sometimes its light and breezy. Other times its dark and brooding.

My music causes to me reminisce on the ones that got away and the ones I am so happy I got away from! I think about the care free nature of my youth and infinite possibilities of my future.

I guess at my core I am really passionate person and I am passionate about my music. I think right now I will just sit by the dock of the bay and waste some time!

I would be there for H.E.R

Got to be there (got to be there)
Got to be there in the morning
When she says hello to the world
Got to be there (got to be there)
Got to be there in her down timeAnd show her that she´s my girl
Ooo what a feeling there´ll be
The moment I know she loves me
Cause when I look in her eyes
I realizeI need her sharing the world beside me
So I got to be there (got to be there)
Got to be there in the morning
And welcome her into my world
And show her that she´s my girl
When she says hello world
(got to be there) (got to be there)
I need her sharing the world beside me
That´s why I got to be there (got to be there)
Got to be there where it all begins
And that´s everywhere she goes
I got to be there so she knows
That when she´s with me
Shes home (ooo shes home) (ooo shes home) yea(Got to be there) got to be there, got to be there(Got to be there) got to be there, got to be there(Got to be there) ooh baby, baby, got to be there, got to be there(Got to be there) got to be there, got to be there(Got to be there) ooh, got to be there, got to be there(Got to be there) ooh, got to be there, got to be there